Fight For Your Right…To Party

Kick it!

You wake up late for school man you don’t wanna go
You ask you mom, “Please?” but she still says, “No!”
You missed two classes and no homework
But your teacher preaches class like you’re some kind of jerk

You gotta fight for your right to party

You pops caught you smoking and he said, “No way!”
That hypocrite smokes two packs a day
Man, living at home is such a drag
Now your mom threw away your best porno mag Busted!

(repeat chorus)

Don’t step out of this house if that’s the clothes you’re gonna wear
I’ll kick you out of my home if you don’t cut that hair
Your mom busted in and said, “What’s that noise?”
Aw, mom you’re just jealous it’s the Beastie Boys!

After much debate, and after seeing the other candidates, I have decided to throw MY hat into the ring and run for the highest office in the land.

My Qualifications:

I may lack political experience, but I do have testicles made of pure brass.

I can’t balance my checkbook, but I’ll buy anyone a beer.

I am devilishly handsome and have a way with the ladies.

One word: KIELBASA.

I regularly snap and post pitiful complaints about the state of the world.

I wear boots that are made for walkin’.

I’m not afraid to flip old people off in traffic for no real reason.

I have a criminal record and I evade taxes.

I am honestly the most dishonest person you know.

Things I Promise if Elected:

We won’t need healthcare, because the pure golden light that shines from my eyes will end all sickness.

I’d invite President Ahmadinejad over for tea and then beat him with a sack of oranges and put him in the basement with the gimp.

War on terror? NO! How can you have war on anyone after I’ve bombed the rest of the world into little bits of charcoal and broken glass?

We would not be dependent on foreign oil, since we’d annex the rest of the planet after I’ve wiped everyone out.

Our education would be the best ever, since I would re-write all the books to be essentially stories about Super Mario and how much ass I kick.

Huey Lewis would be my running mate.

I would change my name to Ill Duce 2.

No fat chicks.

I would only use cigars appropriately. We all know they’re for disciplining children.

One rocking kegger at the inauguration.

So - Vote Jimdiggity in 08. You could do a helluva lot worse - and you have before.

Hell yes.

A bunch of freakinronpaul supporters testing the waters. On West Asheville’s famous arresting bridge. With a flag and a banner. The only thing they needed was a picture of a baby fetus and they would be locked away until the National Debt was paid off. Judging from the honks below the bridge they have some fans in our fair city. More power to them. It is a good thing to stand up for what you believe in.

Just a reminder about the election Tuesday, not necessarily to vote for Lindsey (though i am going to). This was just a sign down the road from me and i’m always attracted to the hand-made and distinct and personal style that Asheville helps to foster.

Another reminder is that you don’t have to wait until tuesday because early voting is very convenient (until we get online voting) and it works well as Helen and i did this last time. So head down to the Board of Elections near the courthouse.

You can even register and vote at the same time if needs be, so don’t gimme no grief about it’s too much of a pain. And don’t even get me started on the lame excuse that it doesn’t matter. Neither does your hollow opinion if you don’t vote and use actions to back up your words, my friend.